I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Monday, July 07, 2008

You know you are:

You know you are A Bandra Gay Boi when:
- You squeal when they play Like a Prayer at Hawaiian Shack.
- Breakfast is at Bagel Cafe, lunch at Basilico and dinner at Zenzi.
- You're shagging a white guy.

You know you are A South Bombay Gay Boi when:
- Your accessory-du-jour is a gori fag hag.
- You shag only other South Bombayites.
- You go to Pride in the US but you're closeted at home.

You know you are A Dadar Gay Boi when:
- You tell people you only want a relationship ... and you mean it!
- You're excited if your blind date is another Maharashtrian.
- You lost your virginity at Five Gardens.

You know you are A Kandivili Gay Boi when:
- You can only have sex when the wife isn't home.
- A hook-up is dhokla and chai followed by fucking.
- A good evening is being groped by 10 strangers in a crowded train.

You know you are A Mulund Gay Boi when:
- A quickie doesn't make sense when you have a 2 hour commute.
- You identify guys on the escalator at R Mall with their chat ids.
- You fail to see the irony in your suburb's name.

You know you are An Andheri Gay Boi when:
- You begin a conversation naming the last model/TV Actor you shagged.
- You furnish your house with Oshiwara "antiques".
- Lokhandwala market is where you get all your kinky undies from.

You know you are A New Bombay Gay Boi when:
- You never get laid unless you cross the creek.
- Top/Bottom doesn't matter as much as Sector Number.
- You've blown someone on Palm Beach Road in their car.

22 Comments:

  • At 3:24 AM, Anonymous IROCK said…

    Vik ,

    One of the best posts ever ....

    LOVES IT !!!! every detail bang on

    sour apple martini ON ME !!!

    welcome back dude :)

    CHEERS
    IROCK

     
  • At 4:17 PM, Blogger Kush said…

    ...and I thought Bombay like Manhattan was a melting pot of sex in the city. But alas! I read that from Mulund to New Bombay and from Bandra to South Bombay, the city is sexually so gentrified that to think of a Bombay Pride Parade seems both ludicrous and laughable. No wonder the city has never even hosted one.

    ...and I also believed that sexuality was an invisible trait. But alas! from accessories and furnishings to kinky undies and fag hags, it seems "alternate sexuality" is time and again reduced to a fan-fare of use and throw items.

    Vik, I am not too sure if I enjoyed reading your post this time. Even in jest, it seems to perpetuate media's superficial imagery of gays as freaky fashionistas with little or no substance.

    What make your transition from Bangalore to Bombay so tragic?

     
  • At 11:53 AM, Blogger once again said…

    - slap -

     
  • At 3:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    if you found irony in "mulund", how would u react to a place called "lund"...its in sweden..jfyi...

     
  • At 10:00 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Irock: Thx.

    Kush: Indeed, you are very right. It was a tongue in cheek post but you're right, it does perpetuate the theme that we're all sex-seeking, accesorizing, shallow people as a group. But sadly, there is an element of truth in this too...and we need to own it. I suspect it's the fact that we have no gay Indian role models who will own up to the fact that what they do has a huge impact on how we behave. Till then all we have to look forward to is the Brian Kinneys of QAF and the white party goers.

    Once again: I enjoyed that!

    Anony1: I know! My dad had a Swedish collegue with Lund as his last name. And who can forget Lund and Blockey in Bombay!

     
  • At 5:16 AM, Blogger Wild Reeds said…

    Priceless.

     
  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger Kush said…

    Hello Vik,

    Thanks for responding and reacting to my comment. Pardon me, but I would still disagree with you slightly. I am not too sure if we need an Indian gay role model "out-there": a sort of a demi-god or a pied-piper to show us a way. I believe each one of us in thought and action is directional enough to bring the desired change.

    I may love a "Devil wears Prada" and live in my Levis Skinny 511s, but these are everyday "lifestyle" issues and they needn't be mistaken for some of our more serious and indispensable life choices.

    I am angered when the world says "gays have a lifestyle NOT a life" or that "gays have sex but NO love". As with any community, there is always that 10% which the media loves because of their exhibitionist lives. But whether or not we look for our role models in those 10% caricatures, chose one from among the rest or become one ourself is a matter of individual choice. After all, sometimes peer-pressure among minorites is self-constructed.

    And finally, I appreciate the humor and irony in your original post. Its just it had too much salt! HA!

    What do you say?

     
  • At 11:07 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Kush: I don't need someone INdian to "show me the way". However, it would be nice if all the stereotypes the het world has abt gay men have some out gay man in India who proudly defies it. When we have a gay man here who adopted a child breaking all norms, he still feels justified in giving interviews talking about how all he needs now is a wife to complete his family.

    And if you hung out long enough in Bombay, you'd actually see that all the talk of finding a relationship etc. is all lip service by gay men who feel obliged to justify their lifestyles. "Oh we want a relationship, so we can't be all that different/bad". Why not celebrate the fact that yes, gay men are way more promiscous than straight men and women primarily because our chances at any sort of stability/monogamy/monotony are stifled in the society we live.

    When you know you have 5 years to go before you get married and "plan on not cheating", of course you'll spend those 5 years doing evey guy who breathes!

     
  • At 6:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    so according to you- i change my behavior from identifying guys at malls by userids to acquiring fag hags and hypocrisy by shifting locations from mulund to sbbay

    interesting

    Akash

     
  • At 9:20 AM, Blogger rUpiE said…

    So hating you right now !! :P

     
  • At 5:37 AM, Blogger Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said…

    I love lists like these.

    And I kind of agree with you on the whole "no gay role model" thing.

    We may not need a "brown" gay man to lead us the way, but somehow, subconsciously, seeing gay people who are not straight (!) out of Will & Grace does give us something to strive for.

     
  • At 6:24 AM, OpenID unsungpsalm said…

    Quite ingenious a classification! I should love for you to do the same in Delhi!

     
  • At 8:40 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Akash: It's true! And you know it :-)

    Rupie: You toh hated me for so long anyway!

    Ram Whip: True..I would love a brown role model. I'd shag him first and then role-modelofy him later.

    Unsungpalm: I don't know the Dallis! All I know is (hearsay) if I ever wanted to date a guy he needs to live in Vasant Kunj?

     
  • At 9:58 PM, Blogger rUpiE said…

    Hhahahhaha, nah man .. u are my apple which was sour..

     
  • At 9:53 AM, Blogger InExile said…

    he he he
    this is funny as fuck !
    you my friend are the only funny gay man in bombay !

    the ones i see in zenzi i want to road roll over !

    boomshanker

     
  • At 5:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ok ok youre right i admit it - Akash

     
  • At 9:18 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yeh to chutiya hai. har community mein kuch na kuch toa kharabi hoti hai. achayi bhi. yeh bethay logo ko jaath ya phir ab location par divide karta rahta hai. arey bhai jo hai so hai. bade ho jao aur hasi majak kay leeyeh kucch naya socha. 24 ghante logo mein kharabi dhoondna, jaati biradri ya ab location key heesab sey unkay characteristics par hasna- kya yeh samajdaro ka kaam hai? 14-15 saal kay bache karte hai aisa. aur divide karna hai to iss baath par bhi leekho ki kyo gays bade nahi hoteh? ek bevakoofi kare to uska saath denay wale aur wah kya leekha hai, wah kya leekha hai karne wale hazar meeltay hai.

    bade ho jao aur hasi majak kay leeyeh kucch naya socha.bore hogayi mein toa wohi sab bhed bhav pad padke. Chalti hu
    Chaboo rani

     
  • At 2:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    And you are a funny, FUNNY gay boi!

     
  • At 4:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wonder wat trait we gay bois in chembur have....? .... abhi

     
  • At 4:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    oh ...did i mention...loved the post!!! ....abhi

     
  • At 1:20 AM, Blogger Jeet said…

    I loved every bit that I read. I have my own blog http://fa-bu-lous.blogspot.com

    Would be glad if you visited and browsed thru it once! :-)

    Cheers and God bless.

     
  • At 10:01 PM, Blogger Gagan said…

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