I *heart* Bombay (and well..Boston)

I'm urban..in the way other people are mountain-people or tunafish junkies. I love city life...something about dreary concrete blocks and grumpy people totally gets my juices flowing. Ergo, this will be a blog about me, my two favourite cities (Bombay and Boston), my addiction to Vietnamese coffee and my views on Gregorian chant and it's efficacy in curing some types of tympannic membrane rupture. Enjoy!

Friday, July 11, 2008

Xenophobia isn't just a Bandra Catholic name

(Note: To be read only after you've worn your khaki knickers, waved your Indian flag 3 times and sung Saare Jahan Se Accha - once you're in the mood, read on)

Who would have thought that 61 years after independence, I - an Indian (of khaki knicker wearing, tricolour waving, tuneless patriotic song singing variety) has to bow to the "gora" as he:

1. Shags all the hot guys in the city - thus making it impossible for me to find an acceptable date.

2. Rents all the nice places in the city and makes the area unaffordable for the rest of us.

3. Makes my vegetable-walla stock lemon grass and zucchini instead of alu-bhindi.

4. Is driven in a nice air-conditioned car as I sweat it out in the Nariman Point share-a-cab.

5. Is served first ALWAYS at Zenzi and Olive as I struggle to get the bartenders attention.

The only icing on the cake is that I'm sure at some level I've stolen one of their jobs.

Vik - who is feeling exceptionally xenophobic afer he was told he couldn't rent in Bandra as they only rent to goras, was told he couldn't date someone anymore as a gora had condescended to give his date a couple of hours of his time, was told by his bhajiwalla to try zucchini - a veggie he detests, is still smelling of the godawful cologne of the banker he sat next to in the share-a-cab and had to basically yell out his order at Olive before someone decided to serve him.

No wonder Bombay is full of passport-queens. Seeing how our own people bend over backwards (a useful trait if you're gay) to accomodate and pamper goras at the risk of alienating the rest of us melanin-enhanced, blonde-challenged brethren.

Grr. Mucho frustato today.

26 Comments:

  • At 1:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    awww:(
    I know the ignored by zenzi feeling.
    I know.
    M

     
  • At 3:18 AM, Anonymous irock said…

    @m

    try takin a gora to zenzi next time ...u get a drink free ...

    cheers
    irock

     
  • At 5:28 AM, Blogger Rambunctious WhipperSnapper said…

    That's why I like Delhi. It's more gora-phobic than homophobic.

    Who am I kidding?

    It's very homophobic!! Lol!!

     
  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger akash said…

    oye my roommates are goraa and they have more difficulty getting into clubs then I do- one of them got kicked out from RedLight the other day so dont feel soo bad just yet

    my goraas also only travel in trains- beat that

    whats wrong with lemon grass? its native to india btw (my nani has grown it in her kitchen garden for the last 40 yrs)

    and most goraas suck in bed anyway

    - Akash

     
  • At 12:15 AM, Blogger Ameris said…

    hahaha that was an interesting read :)

     
  • At 6:35 AM, OpenID unsungpsalm said…

    I like goras :|

    Almost all of them are sexy... Not quite so many Indian men are. The ones who are, are difficult to attain :(

     
  • At 8:37 AM, Blogger Vikster said…

    M: You know cause you were there you silly woman!

    Irock: I would...but all the passport queens have embedded their talons into all availale goras..

    Ram Whip: Hahahah..I have heard that abt the Dallis. But then again, I've also heard of the fun embassy parties!

    Akash: 2 goras by train! And that too from Churchgate to Lower Parel against trafic? I dont think thats painful!

    Ameris: Lol...hit close to home?

    Unsungpalm: Almost all of them are sexy? I beg to differ..
    As for the difficult to attain Indian sexy men? Two things: One: I'm available. Two: Difficult to attain Indian guys cause they're all doing the goras:-)

     
  • At 6:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    it's never as bad as you think it is and what the hell
    are all these white fuckers doing there?
    can't you get them to leave --you'd think the smell would have got them out by now?
    maybe a small revolution run by you? maybe there could be three days without AC --like a citywide energy conservation effort --that'll get rid of them.
    this reverse migration is mind boggling i must admit.

    anyway since Bostom has moved to Bhandra you should be jumping for joy ehh? or are you over the white man too?

     
  • At 7:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    anyway --stay away from the white boys --they got troubles galore and as my mother always used to say
    --they are dirty! ( i love this reverse racism )

     
  • At 7:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    zenzi sucks ass anyway --its always the same people.
    like being in church when you don't have to go anymore.

     
  • At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ha ha
    funny boy !
    i have a room empty in my 2bhk maybe i shud offer it to you !

    but that gora thing you only get when you try to rent in the villages in "posh" bandra you will get a 1bhk for rent for only 50 crores a month no ..


    boomshanker

     
  • At 11:18 PM, Blogger Vikster said…

    Anony1: I am not typically xenophobic..it's just that the housing prices and the gay boi drama is making me more so...

    Anony2: My great grand mom told me to be careful of "blond divorcees" when I first moved to the US...so I guess our reverse racism is totally happening!

    Anony3: Totally agree..but Zenzi, Tot's and the Shack are my life..and yes, its actaully a bot of a comfort to see the same people there...

    Boomshankar: Please do offer it to me...I will pay in kind if not enough cash!

     
  • At 10:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi,

    60 yrs of independence..later..and still been dominated..eh?..

    hmmm why dont u try gandhi-giri concept like in munnabhai..or back to fast until death (satyagraha ) to protest against these goras...

    hee hee

    Rajeev

     
  • At 10:30 PM, Anonymous Rajesh said…

    Double bonus for vikster fans this month. Keep the blogs coming. Love them .

    Cant wait to come to Mumbai and hangout with you.

     
  • At 7:07 AM, Blogger Ipshi said…

    hey, ran into ur comment at Shobha De's blog and nd came here to find out ur in Bandra now! Wooohooo! is there anytime and anywhere i can go celeb spotting and find a certain star-blogger (wink wink)? Plz tell!

     
  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger Kris Bass said…

    You know what, I and my boyfriend Vinokur had a lot of gora-friendly experiences. Especially one at the JW Marriot! It helps to have a gringo boyfriend!

     
  • At 9:29 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    lo ji dekho kaun leekh raha hai? woh leekh raha hai jo america sey jab wapas aya toa kahta "i have never done indian guys" aur ab dusrey indians kay bare mein leekh raha hai. bhaiya, har post mein kucch na kucch criticism hai. kyo? app khud bhi dhood sey dhula hua toa nahi ho ji.

    mein toa bahut khush hu ki mein delhi ki hu nahi toa tumharey jaise mumbaikar se pala padta toa bada bekar hota.
    Chaboo rani

     
  • At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    so what kind of goras come to India, perhaps some losers who couldnt make it in their own country because of poor economy, or some hippi type or rich but brainless tourists, and ofcourse Indian guys are obsessed with goras, its real classy you know to have a gora by your side, it shows your west connections, and those who say they have never done indian guys are only lying, an average looking indian guy looks nothing in front of average gora people who have flawless features and skin, and even though the desi may wear a dior or prada perfume (wannabes
    when he strips completely naked he is just embarassing himself infront of a gora.

     
  • At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I never understood, why did you exactly leave Boston? Is there a post that I should read to know the reason?
    Abhay

     
  • At 6:37 AM, Anonymous delh boi!!! said…

    hey love ur blog to the core..really wish u wer a delhite!!!!*sad*.... u cheapooo y cant u ever reply to ur facebook messgs.

     
  • At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Bangalore Dater (you know who) said…

    And I am left wondering how the one who's had intense relationships with goras would whine such!

     
  • At 11:10 PM, Blogger Kris Bass said…

    Where are you Vikster? What about movie plans?

     
  • At 3:00 PM, Blogger Kris Bass said…

    And Akash, (Hi!), all the goras that I spent time in bed with, suck!

    And they suck very well!

     
  • At 3:53 AM, Blogger akash said…

    Kris,

    lol

    maybe i aint that experienced with them yet...

     
  • At 9:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    ha ha ha
    you really expect a house a bombay without paying any rent ?

    thats so sweet in a way !

    boomshankar

     
  • At 10:00 PM, Blogger Gagan said…

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