A cancer
Is the bitterness tree inside me. With leaves green with jealousy and fruit red with envy.
It's eating me up inside.
It's eating me up inside.
posted by Vikster @ 12:47 PM
4 comments
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Inquiring minds want to know..
I have so many questions..most of which I analyze on my 1.5 hour rickshaw ride to work everyday. And as Prasad can tell you, analysis (and the consequent "over" analysis) is something I excel in. And as he can also tell you, I'm about as deep as Paris' autobiography...which is why my questions aren't as much "Why did G-d put man on this Earth?" and more of the "I wonder why there's a left turn here" variety. To wit, these are the philosophical questions I'm dealing with currently. My attempts at being a Baruch Spinoza; I would like to believe.
1. Why is there a pube "on" the urinal at work everyday?
Not "in". But "on". This means someone has to physically pull it off and then carefully balance it on top of the urinal everyday. Who is this person? Need to investigate..but the last time I took my Sherlock Holmes cap and pipe into the loo and tried my "Elementary Watson" bit, I almost lost my job.
2. Does it ever rain in Bangalore?
I finally bought the cool "Mallu grandfather" type umbrella I've always wanted - and avoided the GIANT rainbow flag ones every traffic signal Manjunath insists I buy. (OK The one i bought is one of those umbrellas Bulgarian spies called Vassili Davidov always keep trying to jab James Bond with) I have my Espirit jacket (or "jaquette" as I like to call it) and where is the rain? The city is as dry as my sex life.
3. How does one address a rickshawwallah in Bangalore?
In Bombay, it's "Boss" or "Bhaiyya". What is it here? I tried "Anna" but somehow it seems more suited to the college canteen owner type. Was recommended "Guru"... but that sounds too filmi. Dropped a couple of "Saaaaaar", but that don't feel right especially as that's what they call me!
4. Are roadside shacks in posh Defence Colony, Indiranagar legal?
I need to construct one. Seeing as I will shortly be homeless and have yet to find the apartment I want in this city. A good budget doesn't seem to go anywhere if you have a rather definite idea of where and how you want to live. I am currently seeing apartment #33 and #34 tommorow. Yep. That means 32 places have been rejected so far. And sometimes I wonder why I'm single...
5. Are eggs meat?
In a fit of religousity, I ended up at the temple last weekend promising not to eat meat if G-d saw it within His power to get me some meat to eat. Of the kind that dare not speaks it's name..if you know what I mean (and I think you do). And now I'm craving protein. Dal and rice are fun about the first 100 times. Then I need my butter chicken and fish curry. Still, scared as I am of offending the Big Guy up there, I'm looking for loopholes in my agreement with Him. Perhaps an omlette and I'm fine if he doesn't have a PhD?
posted by Vikster @ 6:22 AM
5 comments
Friday, July 20, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
I've had rather a fun weekend in Bangalore. "Why is this weekend anymore fun than the weekends past?" I hear the littlest member at the Vikster seder table say..Well, for starters I had not one but two coffee dates! And given the fact that Bangalore seems to abound in fantastic coffee places, I was sure I was in for a weekend of fun times..
Weekend began with me rushing to head outta the door at work so I could make it through the insane Bangalore traffic to my first port of call...Koshy's for some fab dark coffee and a very overdone steak. And of course Date #1, We'll call him "the Dashing Dentist". Quite fit in a "I poured myself into this Tshirt to impress you" kinda way. Also, had fab teeth and an interesting nose. Since I possess neither, I've been on a quest to improve myself by flaunting arm candy that has the stuff I lack. (Sadly, so far it hasn't gotten to the giant "I can't believe it's really real" dong that I lack - and rumor has some Bangaloreans possess).
Anyway, DD spotted me at a party, tracked me down and asked me out. Why sure! I said..relieved that I had some weekend plans finally! "How about a coffee?" I asked - secretly hoping he was an Eddie Izzard fan and knew that coffee in most cases meant "coffee" (nudge-nudge-wink-wink). Friday evening came and turned into a Friday "it's windy and cold and Iwish I had someone to hug" night. Hmm. No dentist around - dashing or otherwise; just the same motley group of artists, NGO'ers, journos, professional lesbians and assorted longhaired, unshowered denizens that make up Koshy's on a weekend night. The Vikster was stood up. For the fifth time in this city. I thought about the brave denizens of Bombay - who will brave crowded trains, over-flowing gutters, downed trees and bus strikes but will still keep their date (well, to be fair - this is only the case if a fuck is guarenteed...). Here, 5 people have felt it is ok to just not show up with no notice or concern for me - waiting and chewing on a rubbery steak (and growing steadily more indignant).
Anyway, after pouring my heart out to male fag-hags (Still auditioning for the female one sadly!), I sat back and waited for Saturday lunch and coffee with "The MBA from Delhi" who seemed interesting enough when I met him at Hint (PS - my new favourite hang out, at Bangalore Central mall). We had lunch, talked about our respective cities and how they compared to this one, national issues, the price of gas and the lack of rain. (Just another typical date with me). Over coffee he talked about all the guys who were chasing him - Bangalore, like Bombay, has some sort of fair-guy-from-Delhi fetish that I just don't understand. I nodded along and lied about how Bangalore guys were chasing me as well (a bad-hair-day victim who has his nose buried in Yiddish literature most days).
Anyway, at the end of the date, I told him I had a fun time and would love to do this again. Which was true. Probably not in a romantic sense but more as a pre-cursor to sex. (Like the Being-gay-in-India handbooks all say - meet them for coffee first and then go over and bonk their heads off) Anyway, he had me splitting my sides when he told me that wouldn't be possible as he only meets guys with intelligence. Of which he implied I had a passing aquaintance of only - sorta like an aunt who pops in once a year at Diwali to talk about her children and who you never hear from any other time.
Ah well, I said, too bad. Biting my tongue and trying hard not to list all the "intelligent" guys he had been shagging over the past month (The Bangalore gay world is about as big as a large-ish room in a Bombay flat - and news and reputations travel fast), I walked outta the Max Cafe laughing and messaging all my friends who had been trying to tell me how intelligent I was and how I will meet the right rocket scientist or doctor someday. Clearly I am missing some aspect of intelligence here - when did he lose me? When I said I was looking forward to seeing the Himesh Reshamiyya movie? Or when I said I love Punjabi culture because they introduced us to the world of paneer? I think I saw him blanche when I said the woman at the next table reminded me of Rakhi Sawant (seriously folks, her boobs were in her plate everytime she leaned in to take a bite!)
Anyway, I guess I have one more excuse to add to my list (I blogged about it earlier here..)
http://sourapplemartini.blogspot.com/2005/08/excuse-me.html
Ironic when you see the last excuse I listed in that post. It would seem I'm dumbing down as I slide into my thirties...Me at 37? A Brown Homer Simpson?
Weekend began with me rushing to head outta the door at work so I could make it through the insane Bangalore traffic to my first port of call...Koshy's for some fab dark coffee and a very overdone steak. And of course Date #1, We'll call him "the Dashing Dentist". Quite fit in a "I poured myself into this Tshirt to impress you" kinda way. Also, had fab teeth and an interesting nose. Since I possess neither, I've been on a quest to improve myself by flaunting arm candy that has the stuff I lack. (Sadly, so far it hasn't gotten to the giant "I can't believe it's really real" dong that I lack - and rumor has some Bangaloreans possess).
Anyway, DD spotted me at a party, tracked me down and asked me out. Why sure! I said..relieved that I had some weekend plans finally! "How about a coffee?" I asked - secretly hoping he was an Eddie Izzard fan and knew that coffee in most cases meant "coffee" (nudge-nudge-wink-wink). Friday evening came and turned into a Friday "it's windy and cold and Iwish I had someone to hug" night. Hmm. No dentist around - dashing or otherwise; just the same motley group of artists, NGO'ers, journos, professional lesbians and assorted longhaired, unshowered denizens that make up Koshy's on a weekend night. The Vikster was stood up. For the fifth time in this city. I thought about the brave denizens of Bombay - who will brave crowded trains, over-flowing gutters, downed trees and bus strikes but will still keep their date (well, to be fair - this is only the case if a fuck is guarenteed...). Here, 5 people have felt it is ok to just not show up with no notice or concern for me - waiting and chewing on a rubbery steak (and growing steadily more indignant).
Anyway, after pouring my heart out to male fag-hags (Still auditioning for the female one sadly!), I sat back and waited for Saturday lunch and coffee with "The MBA from Delhi" who seemed interesting enough when I met him at Hint (PS - my new favourite hang out, at Bangalore Central mall). We had lunch, talked about our respective cities and how they compared to this one, national issues, the price of gas and the lack of rain. (Just another typical date with me). Over coffee he talked about all the guys who were chasing him - Bangalore, like Bombay, has some sort of fair-guy-from-Delhi fetish that I just don't understand. I nodded along and lied about how Bangalore guys were chasing me as well (a bad-hair-day victim who has his nose buried in Yiddish literature most days).
Anyway, at the end of the date, I told him I had a fun time and would love to do this again. Which was true. Probably not in a romantic sense but more as a pre-cursor to sex. (Like the Being-gay-in-India handbooks all say - meet them for coffee first and then go over and bonk their heads off) Anyway, he had me splitting my sides when he told me that wouldn't be possible as he only meets guys with intelligence. Of which he implied I had a passing aquaintance of only - sorta like an aunt who pops in once a year at Diwali to talk about her children and who you never hear from any other time.
Ah well, I said, too bad. Biting my tongue and trying hard not to list all the "intelligent" guys he had been shagging over the past month (The Bangalore gay world is about as big as a large-ish room in a Bombay flat - and news and reputations travel fast), I walked outta the Max Cafe laughing and messaging all my friends who had been trying to tell me how intelligent I was and how I will meet the right rocket scientist or doctor someday. Clearly I am missing some aspect of intelligence here - when did he lose me? When I said I was looking forward to seeing the Himesh Reshamiyya movie? Or when I said I love Punjabi culture because they introduced us to the world of paneer? I think I saw him blanche when I said the woman at the next table reminded me of Rakhi Sawant (seriously folks, her boobs were in her plate everytime she leaned in to take a bite!)
Anyway, I guess I have one more excuse to add to my list (I blogged about it earlier here..)
http://sourapplemartini.blogspot.com/2005/08/excuse-me.html
Ironic when you see the last excuse I listed in that post. It would seem I'm dumbing down as I slide into my thirties...Me at 37? A Brown Homer Simpson?
posted by Vikster @ 2:50 AM
13 comments
